primitive thoughts

I’m very much bursting at the seams to post pics of the NPiRL Garden project but they’ve asked us to refrain until after the show opens. I can live with that. But there’s nothing wrong with showing you one of the tiniest parts from my piece if it’s located at the store. Only five more days till the show officially opens, then I’ll post lots of pics!

This is a lime hawk moth, native to northern Europe and Asia but never seen in North America. I’ll confess I chose it simply because I liked its colors, and the fact that it’s about as fat as a flying bug can be and still stay aloft. Billy, who hates moths with a passion, can’t even stay in the same room with these flying around on the screen. Why do people hate moths so?

Scripting is getting better and better. I’ve been picking apart and recombining the few open source scripts available for movement, fliers and followers, and in the process I’m actually learning how these scripts truly work. I learn best from functional examples, not abstract rules. This had crippled me for a long time as it was nearly impossible to find good samples of scripts, but now even the official scripting wiki is starting to include examples with the various commands. At some point I actually plan to make these moths and other bugs available at the store, but that’ll all have to wait a while till after the work for the show dies down and I’ve caught up with my RL gardening.

tomorrow we’re going to new york for a couple days of art and enjoyment. today i’m rushing around trying like mad to clean just enough that the cat feeder doesn’t think poorly of my housekeeping. this means i’m indulging in massive amounts of distraction.

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I’ve sort of been hanging in suspension the last few weeks, ready to return to normal life but not quite sure I remember what normal life was like. Luckily something fun came along to push me back into motion!

Not Possible In Real Life is an art group in Second Life that is dedicated to work that would, well, otherwise be impossible to realize in meatspace, as the name implies. And they’ve decided to organize an exhibition loosely inspired by Bosch’s Garden of Earthly Delights, with three levels of exhibits appropriately representing Heaven, Hell and Earth. Surprise surprise, my piece has already been assigned to Hell!

I find that working for exhibits or clients always brings out the best in me, even as I curse deadlines and quirky last-minute requests, so I’m excited by the chance to put something together with prim limits and a time frame (finish by May 14, on display till June 23). Last year’s Burning Life wasn’t quite as satisfying for various personal and political reasons, and this year’s theme of “American Patriotism” most definitely isn’t inspiring me in the least thus far, so this is a wonderful opportunity to get some new work out there with a theme I find far more energizing!

This is pretty much the last entry on my ear, albeit a little late: the lab reports came back clean and clear! The bandages are off, the stitches happily dissolving and the biopsy incision all but invisible. Aside from the accidental bump now and then my ear has stopped throbbing and hurting, though it’s still a little numb. I’ll need to keep sleeping with the cup for a while longer but at least I’m no longer sleeping upright. All in all, life seems to have returned to something vaguely resembling normal.

It’s a runt of an ear, as you can see, but they did a really amazing job of making it look almost normal. I’ve had it out in public a few times now and not caught anybody staring yet, so that’s all for the good. If anything, I keep noticing myself in the mirror thinking my other ear looks awfully big now - something Billy is quick to point out can be “easily” fixed, but thank you, no, I have no wish to go back under the knife willingly. This has pretty much put an end to any passing fancies about cosmetic surgery, I intend to age with all my bits unaltered.

Two months later, I sort of look back and wonder what all my fuss and worry was about, but of course the not-knowing beforehand is more frightening than hindsight. Some things are changed for good, I’ll need regular skin checks for the rest of my life, little dots now earn far more worrisome scrutiny, and there are discussions of possible preventative treatment therapies, none of which sound fun. But that’s all just part of the new day-to-day, nothing more worrying really than crossing the street and hoping that idiot turning right while talking on his cell phone doesn’t hit me.

Before I drop back into relative obscurity, I just wanted to take a moment to thank you all for reading along. It was a great help to be able to put into words what was happening at each step, and it was comforting to hear back from you, whether it was jokes, helpful tips, stories of your own experiences or just a “boy, that sucks”. I know I’m a lousy correspondent, but I do want to get back to many of you and respond more personally.

Just a quick update for those that are curious, surgery on Monday went amazingly well and the doctor opened up the bandages for me to see yesterday afternoon. My poor little ear looks much reduced and has the consistency of fried spam, but is healing very well otherwise. I’m wearing a cup over my ear that looks more like it belongs in a locker room, but I’ve been grateful for the protection it provides as I’ve bumped it a couple of times getting dressed or just moving around. I’m changing my own dressings now, but will not be posting any of the more gruesome post-op pics unless somebody really begs (and even then I’ll put it behind a link for those with weaker constitutions).

I’ve been mostly sleeping the last few days, my pain meds are pleasingly strong and have been keeping me out of the loop although they’re due to run out in another couple of days when I switch to simple ibuprofen. The pain is quite tolerable, certainly far less than I imagine a broken bone or abdominal surgery to be, and most of the time I can pretty much tune it out. My stomach has been another story though, it doesn’t like the meds or antibiotics I’ve been on. Mostly I’ve just been reading and suddenly falling asleep, not very chatty at all.

I’ll post one last update late next week with a picture of the new little ear, hopefully all pink and clean by then, and also with the final word on the biopsy report. That better come back clean ’cause I have no intention of going through this again if it can be avoided. Overall though, it’s been such a relatively quick and un-traumatizing process compared to what I had initially feared - hard to think only two months ago I had no idea what was coming. Mainly though I’m just eager for spring to get here, gardening season to start and to be allowed to wash my hair again!

Almost there, this coming Monday, March 3rd is my day in the bright lights, under the sharp knives. We’re supposed to report to the hospital at 5:00 AM to be prepped for surgery at 9 AM, guess there must be a lot of paperwork to complete beforehand. This is for the excision of part of my right ear and for the sentinel lymph node biopsy, and the doctors should be finished in time to send me home for dinner. Although I can’t imagine wanting to eat anything after a day like that, I’ll have been without food since Sunday evening before so I’m sure my stomach will be growling for something even if it’s just french fries.

I’ll be sleep deprived from sleeping semi-inclined for at least a week or two to avoid lymphedema (swelling), won’t be able to wash my hair for the first few days due to the bandages on my head, and probably won’t get much of anything for the pain besides ibuprofen or aspirin (awww c’mon, gimme the good stuff, I know you got some stashed away in your office!) so it goes without saying that I’m planning on staying as far away from humanity as possible till the worst is over. (Some of you wags may be noting that I already live like a hermit and what difference could this possibly make - to you I say >pphhtthhhbbbttt!!!<) By that time I should also have received the final lab results on the bits of me they’re extracting, so with a little luck I’ll be crawling back into the sunshine by St Paddy’s Day looking for green beer and spring flowers, perhaps still sporting stiches to make Frankenstein jealous but at least finally ready to move on.

I’ve got tons of books, drawing materials, DVDs and a couple good video games to keep me occupied, and the cats are never far when I offer up a warm lap to nap on. Billy dotes on me (although we’ll see how long that lasts once I’m home, cranky and ringing the sick-bell once too often) and I plan to shamelessly exploit his devotion to get a few good foot rubs. Every now and then I catch myself getting all sentimental over my poor ear, but for the most part I’m as happily resigned to this as I could hope to be, and more than anything just want it to be over with.

…see you all on the other side of the knife!

it’s been a while since that last cryptic post, but at least i now have a lot more information than i did at the time and feel like i can finally talk about things a bit. shortly before the last post, i found out i had skin cancer and am now about midway through treatment, with high hopes of a full recovery and a continued long lifetime of cantankerous mischief. i’m going to keep a separate page for this since i don’t feel like letting it take over what is normally a happy blog about 3D shaping, virtual worlds and general silliness, but i do want friends who read this to know how i’m doing.

otherwise i had a great birthday, forty isn’t bad at all and i still look a helluva lot better than homer simpson (who’s eternally somewhere between 36 and 40, depending on which episode you refer to) plus i still have my full head of long curly hair!

i have about three weeks peace and quiet till the next (and last, hopefully) bit of treatment, which will probably keep me offline for a few days, but i’m already feeling antsy and ready to get back into shaping, Second Life and just general life again, so i’ve decided to download those updates, give Windlight a look-see (omg, they still haven’t fixed lossless sculptmaps?!?) and get back to work on new trees and other goodies for the store.

well, i had actually wanted to be posting about how proud i am to be turning forty within the next week and still having all my original components intact, but damned if things didn’t go arse-up. stupid meatsack warranty.

i’m pretty much going to be offline for the near future while billy (aka sylvanus) and i deal with the crap RL sometimes throws at you. please do not be offended if i’m not returning SL messages or updating your choice of trees. we’re holding on to our SL property for the time being and the store will stay open to help pay tier, but it’s all going to stay in exactly the state of mess you find it in now till further notice. i’ll update if i get a chance, but otherwise take care, have fun and see you soon!

slowly i’m waking up again, i always crash hard around the holidays but january usually sees me up and about a little more. i’ve been almost non-existent in SL and only marginally present in RL, where my preferred activities are to get up, eat breakfast, take a shower, take a nap, eat lunch, take a nap, eat dinner, take a nap, hug billy, go to sleep again. you’d think i’m big as a house but aside from a little tiny hot-water-bottle-sized pad up front (which both cats absolutely LOVE about me) i’m still pretty much as skinny as ever - it’s not like i eat that much anyway aside from a couple of peanut butter and cheese crackers (mmmmmmmm cheese crackers!).

sylvanus is bugging me again about the store so it looks like we’ll have to finish up the latest line of trees and get some of the older products finally boxed up for sale. we’ve had a few inquiries over the last two months that made me feel all shiny-happy that anybody even noticed our stuff and who’m i to say no if somebody wants their own bird or bush to take home ;-)

blender is dead (as mentioned before) and it looks like Maya is positioned to be its successor. i’m working my way through a fairly well organized tutorial/introduction to Maya that is making me actually feel comfortable with the program. i realize that a few of the things i’ve gotten used to in smaller apps are actually elements of Maya that i’m already perfectly happy using, as well as having a much better grasp of some of the basic concepts that eluded me a year ago.

i’m still planning on test-driving Cinema 4D and Modo before making my final choice, but i’m starting to realize that Maya really does have all the features i’ve wanted, and the price advantage C4D had is only because its feature set leaves out a handful of equally expensive modules that would bring it up in price to match Maya. it’s starting to make more and more sense to learn Maya first and foremost, not the least because it’s what’s most supported by Qarl for sculpty creation, but also simply because it’s The Big One, the Photoshop of 3D.

it’s not all learning or napping though - i’ve finally (late as always) discovered the new Dr. Who series and am now chomping at the bit for Torchwood to be released. as always, i’m too impatient to spend my time hunting down torrents so i just buy my DVDs and revel in the extras and closed captioning you can’t get from a download. Cap’t Jack may be a bit over the top, but he kisses the Doctor and you just can’t argue with that kind of charisma!

their droppings are everywhere, these damn holiday elves, cat hair is nothing next to it. wrapping paper still floating around the apartment, sticky tape stuck to my chair. there’s a reef of amazon boxes in the front hallway preventing egress and bags of plastic packaging polluting the living room.

for the most part i’ve been able to slowly rid our home of these pesky creatures as a mound of their twitching remains piles up outside, but a few of the little monsters are still hiding. one was crinkling tissue paper under my bed this morning, two were hiding in the tree shouting obscenities at each other. yet another seems to have gone quite insane and has been digging in the cat box spreading litter everywhere.

these holiday elves, when will they learn that their lifespan is limited and no hope remains of surviving the old year. they have one single purpose, wrap all the presents. beyond that they simply consume space and nibble my crackers.

hmmm, maybe bug spray? the vacuum cleaner? if only my fat old cats would take a serious interest in ridding us of these pests. oops, better save at least one to clone in the elf tanks for next year!